Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
