her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
