I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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