I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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