When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize