saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my nose is crying tears of wow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
