Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
