I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
