I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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