Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
