i just had sex bonerless
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
