Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
