i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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