Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
