I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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