I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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