am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
