i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
