Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
