Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
