It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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