one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up under a house in Key West
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
