Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
