I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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