you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
