My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
