she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
