how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
