Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
