I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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