I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
