Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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