is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
