How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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