Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
