I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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