dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
