if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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