that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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