Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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