Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize