Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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