I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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