she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
