life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
NoShamevember. You game?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
