OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Randomize