what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
