Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
