I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
