I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
