Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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