Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
