i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize