Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All the doctor said was why
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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