Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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