I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
