It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
