that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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