Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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