Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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