fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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