I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
