dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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