Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
