discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
