thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
