i permit you to call me
i think i have herpe
just one?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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