how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
