It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm always down for nudity.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
