i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
