No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
