Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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