Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
