I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
