i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
