i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
