Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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