plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
