He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
